Newjo like Cujo (evil by nature and not the dog's fault)

New job... hm... so far, so French, so freckled in the fringe of my mind, so fascist, so fuckin'... fuckin' good to get working - optimistic - my blog only loads to about 50% of what should be there; half full; find equanimity.

I'm at work now, making this posting because they ain`t gots nothing for me to do yet. "Accès Interdit" at every other click; dirty desk (like Mr Clean dirty, not Einstein dirty); sticky keyboard; water rusty; chair stained in just the right places; lights fluorescent; clocks that tick backwards; grey cubical walls; bad coffee in Styrofoam cups; coffeemate and stir sticks; overhearing consumerist manifestos; recycle nothing but the air, which between 10:30am and 2:00pm smells like tomato by-product on a bed of starch; MSN gone; RSS gone; POP/SMPT/WebMail gone; Firefox gone; BlogThis gone; This gone... find equanimity; understand impermanence, and... YOU CAN`T TOUCH MY IPOD YOU PROXY BITCH!!! (that was meant to be funny, not angry... yet)

Ok. Whatever. Gotta get outta my house and I need my bike back (lotsa Montreal/Sutton rounds trips expected this summer) - this should get those goals accomplished and I will accept it on such premise; observe it; not react. My family is so happy about this job while the people who love me cry for me. Don't cry... I'll figure it out.

One word...

...Vipassana.

I have returned a different man; diminished ego and a faction of the man I used to be, but a fraction of a whole. I've been such a fool for so long; forever. I love you all and I'm sorry I didn't do this sooner - we would've all had it a little better...

This is so hard. I am hurting in the most beautiful ways, but it really does hurt. Reality has fully morphed on me. Details to come I guess, but I'm not sure when...

Let's see if I can copy/paste this from Mot de Microsoft to the blog...

...nope; Blogger gone. Maybe I'll cry just one quiet tear... equanimously... diligently... aware... half full; half full; half full... breathe... live... love.

It doesn't matter how hard or long or well you iron your shirt, wrinkles will arise once you start to wear it. Keeping the wrinkles out requires a continuity of practice, and it's quite a challenge to iron a shirt all day; everyday - especially if you're still wearing it.