Buttle Nucks

Every night I get home, assuming I get home, I sit at this PC trying to do all the things I need to do – but I bottleneck. It’s driving me nuts. Getting the Chi going takes too long and then it’s time for bed. I have WAY too much to read, listen to, and write. I was out with mike again the other night and I was able to use him to gauge my slowly lessening feeling of equanimity. The waitress, for whom I have an affinity, knows a little about my struggle – “five minutes a day” she said… beautiful. I needed that - and Mike suggested not beating myself up over it. I know I am. The analogy that came to mind is the feeling you get every time you leave a more beautiful self and selflessness behind – like a perfect beach with beautiful people where you’d share you shirt (if you had one). “And why did I back on the plane?” – impermanence? Perhaps. Perhaps it’s the inevitable return to an inherently noisier and less focused truth. I know I now have context of a deeper nature; I know the beach is there, and I know I could just go, and that’s…

…wonderful.